Shadow Work and Ways to Nurture Wholeness
I have personally been on a deep, difficult yet soulful journey this summer. And the gifts of learning and growth that are so often a by-product of painful experiences have shown me such new depths into myself, my yoga practice, self-care, managing emotions, intentional and compassionate self-healing, boundaries and empowerment.
I think I forgot a little, how deeply powerful we are as individuals, and I feel blessed to have reconnected to that energy source available to us all when we choose to tap in.
Don’t get me wrong, it is not a linear path, and I didn’t immediately listen. My body had to scream it out for me before I actually pulled back completely. And that’s the journey right? Every time we go through something, we see how perhaps we could do better next time. My personal experience involved losing someone close to me to suicide. And on some level, I didn’t really realise how severe a loss this was. I very quickly got back to work. This was grounding at the time. Something regular I could still rely on for a form of normalcy.
But underneath it all a great tension was growing in my body. I knew I needed a break, needed a holiday. But I didn’t listen closely enough. If I had truly listened to my intuition, I would have booked myself into a yoga retreat there and then and healed my heart in a healthy way.
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It was my body that really showed me the profound connection between external circumstances and internal experiences. I developed an infection in my womb that grounded me to a halt. And with that came an onslaught of emotional pain, tension, sorrow, and grief. Isn't it so often the case that the most profound learnings occur at the depths of despair, and from that point, like a lotus from the mud, we rise, brighter, stronger and more beautiful than ever?
Shared Human Experience & A Call for Support
There is not a single human on the planet who doesn't experience hardship, loss or suffering at some point in their life. This reminds us of our shared human experience, our commonality and connection to each other, from one beating, loving heart to another. All of us have a choice, whether to sink into the muddy depths, or whether to rise up and out, grateful for all experiences both good and bad, as gifts along the road of this rich and colourful tapestry we call life.
A friend and I were talking recently about the impact a lack of support can have on people’s mental health. Having recently lost someone so abruptly, and my friend also knowing several people who have taken their lives, it is not uncommon. What is uncommon, is a support system that understands that life isn’t always rosy and accepts the spectrum of emotions experienced not as ‘negative’, but as central to life’s journey. We need a support system that recognises self-care as integral to being in a position to care for others.
Mental health is not a matter of good or bad. It’s a spectrum. Every person experiences undulations in their mental health throughout a lifetime. The problem is that perceived ‘negative’ emotions, feelings and experiences are not socially acceptable. Think about doctors and NHS staff who receive no support for the continuous support they give out under often harrowing circumstances. We do not have a culture of preventative care, we still have a ‘get on with it’ mentality, which implies that if you aren’t able to cope then you’re weak.
All this leads to, is burnout. Because humans are complex and deep. We have the capacity for such depth and understanding but that is stamped out of us. It is no surprise that the words, gravity, grave, gravitas, heavy all signify a resounding stillness and depth. We are supposed to sink down, to then rise up with greater wisdom.
But we are not permitted this liberty. The freedom to feel, deeply and darkly, to enter these states of stillness and darkness to replenish, process and heal. If we were taught that this is normal and ok, then it would feel more nurturing than stigmatised and wrong.
Instead we keep constantly busy, relying on our fight or flight responses to take us through life. Never granted the time to actually look inside. I saw a lovely meme the other day which demonstrated Eeyore as openly depressed. However his friend’s never exclude him, they still invite him to the parties and on their adventures. They don’t taboo the situation or wish he was any different.
Life Isn’t Easy
Our modern lives are stressed, and now we live in a time where there is constant fear, restriction and likely isolation from a strong support network. Hard times build strength, resilience and deep learning if we are held in a space to grieve, feel, cry, scream, laugh and be alone. Rather than signifying weakness, as it is widely perceived, it builds a fierce inner strength that comes from a place of personal power. The power to harness strength through darkness.
Life is not, and should not be, all shits, giggles and rose tinted frivolity. Where is the growth in that? The key is to learn to open your eyes and look at pain when it comes, explore its depths, treat every aspect of your experience with a tender love and compassion that acknowledges that you are supposed to feel, it is not a sin, it is not weak and it is far from easy. This is where strength truly emerges, where you understand what you are capable of. From this place of surrender, develops profound understanding of the self and an endurance that will last a lifetime.
Who else but yourself should you learn to understand so intimately? Why would you not wish to explore the depths of this body, soul and mind that you are gifted with on your unlikely and exquisitely precious time on earth?
Pain, sorrow, hardship, suffering - these are a part of life, so they need to be looked at and considered as any other part of life, not shoved away into dark pockets of the self and left to fester. Just because they are difficult doesn’t mean there are not still gifts and growth within their folds. However, important to add here, that neither is it helpful to obsessively dwell on or over identify with suffering. This can lead to attachment to labels, limiting potential for true healing and emergence from the pain. We can move trauma through our bodies and bring it into the light, encouraging a transition via full acceptance of the associated effects. But rather than holding on, we are able to appropriately and lovingly process and release pain.
It is our job to listen with compassion to the multiple messages constantly transmitting from the body, to stop for a moment to let our brains and energies integrate and process. Not forgetting that we humans are inbuilt with the capacity to travel to such depths and compute, integrate and transform.
You Are Stronger Than You Think
You are stronger than you think. How many times have you heard that saying? I hazard a guess at quite a few! It is only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, exposed, hurt, and humble, and apply healthy mechanisms that we have learned, practiced and sharpened over years of trial and error, that we can get back up, dust ourselves off, and try again. This is the strength and empowerment that is gained through the journey of life on this planet. This is what humans are supposed to evolve from. Life isn’t always a breeze, it’s not supposed to be! But we have the tools already inbuilt to weather the storms.
We choose whether to let negativity reproduce negativity, or whether to count the blessings that we do have, and appreciate our challenges as life lessons, sent as a way to accelerate the evolution of a deeper intelligence, a developing consciousness, and a love that penetrates even the darkest of corners, accepting whatever shadows that might not want to be seen. Because underneath it all, they do want to be seen! They need to be seen, need to be nurtured, then nourished and offered to the light. Shadows only exist in response to where the sun is shining. Every entity has its own desire to be seen and heard, in whatever form that might be.
These methods are not coping mechanisms, they are so much more than that, to cope is to endure. These are mechanisms to nurture wholeness, a deep fulfilment and inner strength that promises to serve you for the rest of your life, whatever obstacles that arise, you have your own back, and can travel the distances with a pride and a subtle assurance that you truly, have, got this. Rather than coping, you grow and evolve, ready to approach the next hurdle with greater wisdom gained and earnt from intentional, soulful healing.
And rest assured, this is not reserved for spiritual practitioners and holy folk. These are inbuilt strategies that all humans possess if given the space and encouragement to practice. Nothing happens overnight, the time and energy you put into your own growth will be exponentially reproduced and shone out into your life, into your environment and the people you love.
‘Self-care is giving the world the best of you, not what’s left of you’
~ Katie Reed
Ways to Nurture Wholeness
Here are some methods I have personally used to nurture my soul and bring a stronger sense of self awareness, self-assuredness and confidence in all that life throws at me.
Yoga and meditation: These practices invite me back to myself and are a lifeline for healing and growth. My yoga mat provides a place of nurture that was always there for me. I even set myself up my own little yoga retreat to hold space and deeply nurture!
Self-Care: Self-care will look different for everyone. For me this time, it was a little extra pampering, facemasks, spending time in water and nature and, most importantly, the release of expectation or judgement.
Stillness: I switched off from the noise, put down my phone and let myself feel and heal.
Health: I cared for my body and energy by ingesting clean, nutritious food, drinking lots of water and building my immune system.
Shadow work: I enter this wonderful practice through meditation. With love, compassion and understanding, I look at the pain, allow difficult emotions to arise, I feel them, acknowledge their root, where they come from, why they’re there, send them love and light, then allow them to move out of my body.
Light work: Also entered through meditation - I call in light, radiating every cell in my body to encourage healing.
Creative outlet: This time my creativity expressed through journaling and drawing. But it can be anything that speaks to you. at the time. Singing, dancing, painting, collaging, cooking, making things, gardening, walking in nature. Anything that resonates with that creative energy in you.
There are healthy ways to manage the ups and downs of life which will leave us stronger, rather than weaker, and put the power in our own hands to grow. We are not necessarily taught them, but it is time to change that theme. First we teach ourselves how to nurture, feel, strengthen and grow. Then we share that with others who are suffering. Or who will suffer. Because there is no one human that doesn’t experience hardship in their life, so it’s about time we learnt strategies to nurture our way to wholeness and develop deep and meaningful connections to ourselves and others along the way! So lets give thanks for the hard bits in life, and allow ourselves to feel and grieve, not least, because these make the good bits all the more radiant!
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