Self-Care Myths and Mastery
I bet I know what many of you reading this article are thinking before you’ve even read it. Yes, I’m using my oh-so psychic powers to reckon that there’s a sneaky lil side of you that says self-care is for softies. Am I right? That self-care is for people with far too much time on their hands and all wrapped up in the so-called snowflake generation’s need to be stroked with hand-spun cotton wool to feel ok in the world.
Well I’m here to tell you that actually, self-care is for badasses!
It takes a whole lot of personal power to go against the status quo and actually love yourself. Like actual love too, not ego-inflated arrogance to protect a deep and not-so-subtle insecurity. But real true love and kindness unto yourself, a quiet and self-resilient knowledge that no matter what happens in life, you’ve got your own back.
The ability to look after yourself enough that when difficult things happen, which they will, you can stay grounded, heal your heart and continue to grow despite the hardship. Holding yourself in a compassionate container that before anything else, makes sure you are safe and supported. From this solid foundation, this place of inner strength and personal understanding, you can love and be loved.
There is nothing soft about self-care, it is an act of personal agency and independence.
I know this because I have experienced it. There was a time when I didn’t care for myself at all. I partied endlessly, took far too many drugs and had very low self-worth. I rarely did anything nice for myself because I guess I didn’t really think I was worth it. I would spend weeks with immense come-downs that would, at times, render me bed-bound for a week unable to be well or think clearly. This impacted every part of my life. And the crazy thing is, it was quite normal back then to get so utterly shitfaced every weekend that the rest of the week is spent recovering until the next weekend comes along ready to do it all again.
I was not a strong person at this time. I was emotionally dependent, depressed, and easily offended. I pushed people away and felt undervalued. I felt that people didn’t understand me but in fact, I didn't understand myself, other people, or life. I couldn’t because I was in a negative cycle and my vision was clouded.
When Things Start To Change…
It was when I decided to implement 10 minutes of meditation per day and be brave and try that yoga class, that things started to change. I started investing quality time in me. And as this happened, I started to leave my old life behind. I became a better friend, a better human, more available to myself, more available to others in need, a million times more healthy, and gradually, more happy too. I started to see my cup as half full rather than half empty. I started to take responsibility and look after myself. It was empowering. I realised that only I have the tools to improve my life.
As the old saying goes - you can only love others as much as you love yourself. And I have found this to be so very true. Giving from a cup half empty is so often tainted by underlying insincerities, neediness, bitterness or resentment.
That’s why I say this now, with love:
It’s your responsibility to look at your own shit.
With compassion - definitely. With patience and self-awareness - for sure. But if you insist on looking away and not investing time in yourself then nothing will ever really change, you’ll keep rubbing up against the same old problems time and again until one day, it really bites you in the butt.
Self-compassion plays a vital role in the self-care scene. It also has a positive impact on mental health and self-worth. Read this article to learn more about the importance of self-compassion.
Why Yoga Though?
Yoga is a self-care practice and it has been a faithful companion through so many challenges since I was lucky enough to explore its jewels. Yoga is a journey of the self, through the self, to the self (Bhagavad Gita). It encourages us to look inside, face our personal demons, and connect to something bigger than ourselves. The secret is not in the perfect posture or who knows the most mudras, the secret is in the learning that comes from showing up on your yoga mat every day and listening closely. Yoga, at its very core embodies self-care. It really is a precious and life-changing channel.
If you’d like to explore this for yourself, then grab your free gratitude package of yoga, meditation and self-study here .
Self-Care Myths
There’s a mountain of myths in the self-care spectrum which stops people from comfortably practicing self-care. Here are some of the responses that come up when talking to people about self-care practices:
Self-care is selfish
Self-care is arrogant
Self-care is for the weak
Self-care is soft
Self-care is embarrassing
Self-care is indulgent
Self-care is awkward
Self-care is pointless
Self-care may not be deemed cool, or strong, or complementary to success. But I would argue that these ideas are based on a fading framework that celebrates martyrdom to get on with it for the sake of the country and hails that business comes first.
These ideas are old-fashioned are they not?
And the irony is, that in practicing self-care we can become MORE resilient and self-sufficient and LESS dependent on others.
It allows us to be more successful because it helps avoid burnout and overwhelm. And actually as many will well know, self-care is not easy when the chips are down, in fact it can feel like the last thing you want to do, but it goes a long way in helping to reduce anxiety, increase self-love and appreciation, promote body positivity and enhance overall wellbeing.
This interesting study highlights the importance of practicing self-care especially for mental health professionals and those working in healthcare. They propose that the mediating factor in the benefits of an activity is mindfulness. Self-care encourages us to be present, mindful and to listen to what we truly need in a moment.
Let’s take a closer look at what self-care IS:
The WHO defines self-care as:
‘the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider’
That’s pretty big huh, pretty important. Here are some additional indicators of what self-care involves and what it can help with:
Self-care reduces stress and anxiety
Self-care invites a deeper understanding of self - you learn to listen from a unique standpoint that is only true to you.
Self-care increases self-awareness - you become more aware of your triggers, your behavioural responses, and your needs.
Self-care improves resilience - you can help yourself up and give yourself the support you need when life is challenging
Self-care is healthy - practicing self-care is beneficial for both mental and physical health
Self-care is empowering - it feels good to know you can look after yourself.
Self-care makes you feel good!
Despite all the obvious benefits of practicing self-care, it is safe to say that it hasn’t received a particularly good rep in the general population in the past. Plus, you may just feel self-care isn’t for you, or wonder how you’ll fit it in your schedule! But self-care certainly doesn’t have to involve elaborate displays or take up lots of time, it can be as simple as making your favourite drink and curling up with a magazine for 15 minutes a day.
Stress is one of the leading causes of illness, so anything you can do to reduce your stress levels is helpful. And we’re talking preventative action here too! Just because you don’t feel stressed doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be looking after yourself with some intentional and compassionate self-care activity.
Here are some examples of what self-care could mean for you:
Self-Care Examples
Take an intentional shower - all about mindfulness! Feel the water pouring over your skin and the steam on your face.
Take a bubble bath - with epsom salts for extra muscle relief!
Brew your favourite cup of liquid with slippers and blanket and curl up for a moment of peace and quiet (slippers and blanket optional!)
Go out for a hearty walk in nature and some fresh air
Move your body - daily movement is highly beneficial and said to relieve tension and improve circulation
Put on your favourite tune and dance or sing
Phone free mornings (plus less scrolling!)
Drink enough water
Healthy eating - daily fruit and veg! Definitely a form of self-care that makes you feel good.
Light candles and pamper yourself! Body moisturiser, facemasks and nails?
Make time for activities that interest you - important to maintain your sense of self!
Watch your favourite movie - guilt-free
Minimise scroll time! Switch of your social media for an afternoon!
Eat chocolate!
Do yoga
Meditate
Personal observation - putting that phone down for periods of time is seriously beneficial - I think it’s safe to say the majority of us are addicted to our mobile phones! I went on a yoga retreat last year and was phone free for 5 days - each and every one of us at the retreat found it a very interesting experience and found a whole lot of freedom in being away from the phone for a moment.
Wowww the list goes on. Most importantly, what feels like self-care will inevitably be very subjective to you as an individual (hence the ‘self’) so there’s an exciting prospect, take some time to explore what works for you!
The moral of the story is - look after yourself and do it proudly. You only get one you.
