Yoga and Healthy Boundaries
Do you feel you give out more than you receive? Or feel uneasy about certain relationships but you don’t know why? Do you find it difficult saying no and find yourself doing things that actually, you would rather not? These are some indicators that you are not implementing healthy boundaries in areas of your life which is leaving you feeling unappreciated, overworked, undervalued, deflated or unempowered.
Yoga and boundaries are intrinsically linked, and in this article, I’m going to show you why. I will also demonstrate how, by practising yoga both on and off the mat, you can build respect for yourself and from others. Additionally, I provide some journal exercises to help identify and implement healthy boundaries in your life. Journaling is a key part of the yoga journey as it helps intrinsically with the self-study aspect I mention below. I’m also giving you my free yoga course for self-acceptance as an extra serving of information, yoga, meditation and journaling to set you on your way to self-acceptance and empowerment. Just click here to sign up for your free course.
As you may know, yoga is about more than asana (physical practice), it’s a social and personal framework by which to live a peaceful, curious and enquiring life. And, ultimately, to attain a higher experience of existence. It is a journey of personal discovery and a lifestyle. This is how yoga relates to the everyday. It is such a wonderful blueprint for life.
Here we are going to discuss how setting healthy boundaries is key to building innate self-respect, self-esteem and confidence, and how this ties into yoga philosophy.
Yoga Philosophy
According to Patanjali’s guidelines, there are eight limbs of yoga. Asana is just the third of the eight limbs. The first two relate to social and personal interaction in life. How we relate to ourselves and the world around us. In short, the yamas encompass concepts such as non-violence, truthfulness, non-stealing, right placement of energy and non-greed. The niyamas relate to personal cleansing, contentment, self-discipline, self-study and surrender. To learn more about the yamas and niyamas, just head here
These guidelines clearly demonstrate a responsibility unto us as individuals, to relate to ourselves and others in a way that is truthful and harmless, whilst maintaining a proper use of energy. If you feel depleted in relation to some aspect of your life, it is probably because there is a boundary that isn’t being acknowledged. The truth is, boundaries are no one else’s problem but your own. Only you have the power to change how you feel, how you distribute your energy, and how you interact with yourself and the world.
Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are integral to this process, they can be seen as our bottom line. They represent what is ok for us as individuals and what is not. When we practice healthy boundaries, we are confident that we are respecting ourselves and being respected by others. A key part of the self-care paradigm (Nelson 2016). Think of someone you know who is comfortable saying no and making their preferences, wishes and needs known. Boundaries are something we respect in others, yet it can be challenging to flip that back on ourselves in making our own needs and preferences heard.
So why is it important to set boundaries?
✔ To practice self-care and self-respect
✔ To communicate your needs in a relationship
✔ To make time and space for positive interactions
✔ To set limits in a relationship in a way that is healthy
✔ To live in contentment, energy and freedom
(Positive Psychology, Nelson 2016)
“An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses
strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.”
Without boundaries, our self-esteem can be negatively affected because we are constantly giving out, or allowing others actions and energies to saturate our own. We’re putting others' needs first. But actually, this helps neither them nor us. When we act from a place of servitude, we are not being true to ourselves which means our hearts aren’t really in it. We’re doing something for someone else, but we don’t really want to, and this not only can come across and make the other person feel worse, but also we are making that person live our lie. As you can see, this directly links back to several of the yamas and niyamas - rightful placement of energy, truthfulness, non-violence, non-stealing, self-discipline and contentment to name a few.
Of course, there may be situations where people find it difficult to hear boundaries, especially if they are not used to hearing them from us. Here lies the flipside to the fact that boundaries are our own problem; how others respond to them is their problem.
You can only be responsible for communicating your needs in a clear, firm and compassionate way; the way others choose to interpret this is not your responsibility.
Important too, to recognise that boundaries can not only be too indistinct, but also too rigid. If we put up great walls around us the view becomes closed or nebulous, we box ourselves into a place we can no longer grow from. For further information on healthy boundaries check out Positive Psychology’s blog .
Implementing healthy boundaries is hugely empowering, but it can also feel very vulnerable if it is not something we are used to doing. And some people will respond negatively to this at the beginning. The most important thing is sticking to our boundary. The moment we give in and place our needs beneath someone else's, is the moment they think it is all just talk and disregard our thresholds. This is largely not malicious, after all, we have all but shown them that our boundaries are not important, because we have not stuck to them. But when we do stick to them, over time others learn that we respect ourselves and what we stand for, and then they respect that in us too.
If they cannot learn to respect our boundaries - what is okay for us and what is not - then they probably aren’t a very constructive part of our lives.
3 Journal Exercises You Can Do Today
Healthy boundaries are crucial to forming and maintaining strong identity and are key to mental health and wellbeing. They create autonomy which is an important part of self care and help us to feel fulfilled. No boundaries can result in frustration, resentment or burnout. Healthy boundaries allow an even balance of energy exchange. We know what is ok for us and what is not, and we are able to express that clearly in a way that others respect and understand. Having boundaries does not mean people wont like us, it means they will understand how to interact with us in a respectful way - which makes them feel good too!
Here are three journal exercises you can do to help identify and implement healthy boundaries:
Think about areas in your life where you feel out of control, uneasy or depleted - write these down
Write down aspects of this/these situations that are important to you.
Based on this, identify if there is a boundary that needs to be implemented to ensure your preferences are being met.
Yoga & Healthy Boundaries
In yoga we can practice setting boundaries with ourselves on the mat. Even by turning up for practice, nurture and growth, despite a busy lifestyle or the demands of family or friends, or by not forcing our bodies into silly shapes just because someone else is. We can then take what we learn from the safety of our yoga mat, into our social spheres and day to day life. Yoga builds strength and flexibility in body and mind, allowing us to explore our own limits from a stable and empowered foundation.
Here’s a free yoga course for self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is the cornerstone of self-worth and allows us to respect ourselves and our boundaries. Learning self-acceptance allows you to love the positive, but also those bits that are less easy to love. It's unconditional. You’ll receive 1 self-acceptance yoga class, 1 meditation to generate deep self-love and acceptance and 1 self-acceptance journal session to embed and integrate your work. All carefully created to ensure that, before anything else, you prioritise you and your wellbeing.
